Good friends or BFFs, (Best friends forever) are rare. People come in our lifes and walk a certain while on our path with us, some come closer to us, some stay in distance. However, people leave our side one day and that´s often not good or bad, but just is.
Some are important for a certain section on our path while others stay longer and accompany us for a long time. It´s just natural that some friendships break up by people making decisions we can´t follow, like moving to another country or exploring a new circle of friends that is interested in things we aren´t.
Distance isn´t important either. Even in the case of someone not physically close to us there can be a great connection, one that you can easily call friendship. Thanks to cheap flight tickets and video chat over the internet the world has become a tea house where everyone can talk to someone on the other side of the planet within seconds.
Friendships are important for our mental health. We need to people that understand us more deeply then anybody else and is not a family member. Lets be serious, even if you have your family close, you can´t talk to them about everything. Certainly it´s not only the talking, but the company in good and bad times. The support from our friends and the challenges we master with them together strengthen our bond even more.
Avoid false friends!
False friends are the worst kind of toxic people you can allow to enter your life. Their subliminal manipulation is damaging to you and everyone around. They do not even need to be aware of themsevels. You can easily spot them when they are constantly making pranks, try to gaslight you or simple don´t show any kind of respect towards your opinions, time and effort. They certainly have their own issues! However it´s NOT necessary that you are the punching back of someone abusive, intentionally or not!
While it´s troublesome to get rid of toxic people when they are in your family, it´s fortunately easier to get rid of them when they call you your friend. You need to show your self-worth, self-respect and cancel the friendship for good. I know that could be hard if you are close to that person for years but in the long run it´s better for both of you.
The obstacles and things to be aware of out of the way, lets look what a good friend is made of. So here a list of how to spot a good friend how you and try to get closer for a deep friendship with that person.
Friendship tip #1 – Communication is easy and of mutual understanding
A best friend is like a soulmate or a twin flame. A person that matches a certain frequency you radiate of. You simply click.
Great friends quotes often state that the understanding on a deeper level is a good sign of a long lasting friendship. While that is true, it shows just half the truth. The point is that the mutual understanding needs to be expressed, and that´s another thing. You need to speak the same language, but I don´t mean it like with English or Spanish. It´s more like the usage of words you both understand in the same way. There are no misconceptions when you say something. Your best friend will understand it exactly the way you said it, with the emotions put in and the underlying message it conveys.
This creates a low-maintenance in a need for to talk about everything over and over again, with the need to explain all your words and actions. Chances are high you live in similar lifestyles. It has an obvious reason why people that like Rock music hang out with others that like Rock, kids that enjoy Rap are with other kids that enjopy Rap, and so on.
We are attracted to people that we share something with and that often includes the same way of talking as well. Based on our mutual interests we speak about the same topics using the same words. If an outsider would listen to us, he wouldn´t get the point. That´s also a reason why the age difference is often an issue when it comes to kids and their parents talking to each other.
A good friend knows how you roll and how you communicate a message.
Friendship tip #2 – Real and upfront honest
One of the most valuable qualities of a good friend is sincerity when you ask for his/her opinion. No holding back, but a feedback you will cherish and be grateful for.
It´s not about insulting you but serving with tactful critic and advise. It´s about telling you the truth, their honest opinion instead of lying just to please you. Inn fact, if you find out they lie to others, chances are high they lie to you too.
Sometimes we need a hit with a baseball bat of words. That should make us re-think our position and a good friend can provide exactly that in an appropriate manner. They would never insult you for anything you try to to! Be it something like starting a new business on your own or getting into a romantic relationship. A good friendship is by design one that is based on honesty AND respect! That means, your best friend should show support and in case of doubts should tell you in a respectful way.
It´s ok to have a different opinion. It´s not ok to try to convince someone to be right all the time.
Family members are often too biased when it comes to advise. They want the best for you and that often means playing things safe. That´s certainly great to know to have someone carrying about you, but it´s not benefitial when you want to try new things. That goes for the above mentioned business you want to open or the relationship where they are uncertain about your partner choice.
Remember that they want the best for you and don´t be mad at them. A friend on the flipside could be the right person to play middleman or support you even if others don´t.
Friendship tip #3 – You can trust them
Trust is something that doesn´t develop over night, that´s for sure. It needs time, sometimes even years to create a bond between two friends until you can say I seriously trust that person with all my problems and secrets.
Speaking of which: A BFF can keep a secret, if the situations demands it even forever! It´s a relieving feeling to know that you can trust someone. Be it with your inner most thoughts as well as with whatever you plan to do in life.
Friendships are built on trust. Only this way they can be long-lasting and deeply satisfying for both.
You can not only trust them when it comes to hardships or when it comes to solving a problem but with keeping their morals high as well. It´s a quality that isn´t shared by everyone unfortunately, but a fantastic measurement point for your friendships level.
It´s their genuine thoughts and trust in the integrity of their opinion that are so incredibly valuable. You know them so well and vice versa that you can already foresee what they will tell you when you have an issue to work on. You know you can trust in their helpful mind and that will stick by your side!
Your cargets broken at 4am in a dark alley? You can count on your good friend getting out of bed to pick you up.
You thinking about asking that special girl/boy out but are too scared to ask? Best friends are there to work out something to get o know the person of interest.
You think about moving to the capital city of your country? A good friend will give you advise and support you in case you decide to go.
Friendship tip #4 – A good friend always got your back
Similar to trust, loyalty is a crucial incredient in our friendship definition.
Great friends are there for you, even when their lives diverge from your own. They will understand that your choices are your own, and see that what’s right for them isn’t necessarily right for you. It´s the understanding that there are differences but still being on ones side, come what may, that´s so amazing in a wonderful friend relationship.
A good friend will always be there to boost your self-worth, self respect and your self esteem. On a subconscious level you´ll feel already better when they are simply around you. Words aren´t necessary, they just will be there and listen.
The unconditional support provides ease of mind when going for a hard time. Hugs from a good friend can clear worries fast and some motivational words are working mircales when it comes to lift your spirits.
Best friends care about each other, that´s why communication is so important. Fortunately accepting help is easier when it comes from a friend than from a random person.
However, lets not limit ourselves to the negative things. A good friend will be there for your to celebrate your success and achievements too. They will congratulate you for your victory and share your happiness.
Positivity and a good mood are great personality traits when it comes to chose a friend. They can help you overcome mood swings and show their support when you are depressed and feel misunderstood and lonely.
Their humour and emphatic understanding will be the pillars we build our friendship upon. Eventually leading into the trust of them in us and we in them.
Friendship tip #5 – A good friend shows no judgement
A good friend will always be supportive, no matter what you decide to do. That doesn´t mean he will help you do yourself harm but will support you by talking you ouot of that and search for a solution together. Friendship is based on positive feelings, empathy, love and sharing joyful moments. A friend should make you feel confortable about who you are, not try to induce self-doubt.
The characteristics of a good friend is more generally speaking a good person per se. Someone that treats you well and with respect. If you are open about something you can´t talk about with family members, a friend should listen and be there for you.
Especially in our youth, we tend to differentiate more and more from our parents. We need a similar aged companion to talk about the things we can´t talk with older people. Whatever troublesome goes through your mind and you tell your friend, he/she should answer with a hug and compassion.
It´s not even necessary that they understand the full extend of what ruminates in your head. The fact that they are there and listen is already the most precious gift. Often a totally different view on things can help you find a solution to a problem you couldn´t come up yourself. You ended up in a dead-end street, but your friend showed your the reverse gear or a way around the roadblock.
The level of mutual trust will make you both vulnerable but that´s no problem as long as not one tries to take advantage of your secrets. That said, a good friend shows no judgement, but if he shows, maybe better back off and question if this „friend“ is truly as good as you think.
A good friend is hard to find but when you find one and a friendship develops, it´s a fantastic addition to both of your lifes. The mutual understanding and non-judgemental interaction makes talking about everything so easy. It´s a tremendous feeling to experience things together, knowing the the other always has your back in case something goes wrong.
However, don´t be clingy and accept the idea of a person being your friend for a while but sometimes people decide to walk down an alley you can´t follow. It´s just how life is.
Beside that, if you feel your friend takes advantage of you and doesn´t treat you well, talk about it. If that doesn´t help, show your self worth and cancel the friendship for good.
Nobody needs bullies in their lifes!
Everybody deserves a good friend, or 2 or 3! You just need to be aware that is also an effort and not a one-way-street. The deep subliminal connection based on loyalty, respect and trust makes a friendship worth it!